Regain
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Avoid Regain if in a verbally/emotionally abusive relationship
Important review for those who fear or suspect they are in an emotionally and verbally abusive marriage! I am dividing this review into two parts: the first, in regard to the counselor, and the second concerning specifics to my situation. The counselor was approachable and good natured. I felt that even though the sessions could stray that she brought matters back to the center by the end. She asked us both critical questions I will always remember. However, in my case, I was being advised by my family, friends, and personal therapist that I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. I found session after session the counselor let my partner drive the narrative and control the time. When one is afraid to be open in counseling because they know that following the appointment any honesty or vulnerability will be re-litigated and invalidated by their abusive partner, they will speak less. I was surprised that when any incident was described by my partner I was never asked for my perspective or experience. Priority was always given to my partner, and I was rarely given an opportunity to add clarity or dimension. Part of the problem probably lies in the fact that much of communication is non-verbal and being online, the Regain platform stifles this critical facet to understanding relationship dynamics. I would leave it at that, but after meeting individually with the counselor and blatantly expressing my concerns about my partner’s actions, threats, and behaviors the sessions continued much the same. Fortunately, I came to my senses and ended the marriage. I think if my marriage didn’t involve the problems of control and abuse the counselor could have been good otherwise. However, with this issue, I found every session a vicious cycle that prolonged the abuse. As a final note to anyone who is looking for marriage counseling but fear/suspect they are in an abusive relationship. I strongly advise the following: 1. Go to in-person counseling. Regain and other online therapy companies are innately hampered in helping with this problem. 2. If the counselor fails to address your reluctance to speak and give adequate space, find a different person as soon as possible. Never accept that you should feel the sessions are a referendum on only you, but on an ‘us.’ 3. Do not allow the sessions to go on for many months if the same patterns occur and your partner’s behavior remains unchanged. 4. You may just have to fight tooth and nail to have your voice heard.