Greggs
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Greggs “Apple Danish” – A Culinary Identity Crisis
The Greggs ‘Apple Danish’. Or at least, that’s what the sign said... Expecting buttery pastry, cinnamon-kissed apples, maybe a flaky nod to something vaguely Scandinavian. What I got instead was a bit of a mystery. First let’s talk about the texture – imagine an iced finger and a bread roll had an awkward one-night stand, and their illegitimate offspring was raised in a budget bakery in slough with no clear sense of its danish cultural heritage. It’s not quite soft, but not pastry-soft. Sweet, but not dessert-sweet. It sort of chews like a large fig roll, minus the fig. The apple? I think there is some sort of fruit-like substance involved. It’s got the essence of apple in the same way a scented candle smells like “pumpkin spice” – close enough for a sniff, but don’t bite it expecting the real thing. As for the Danish part – I assume that refers to the fact someone has doused in icing, because it sure as hell isn’t buttery, flaky or remotely pastry-like. I’m not sure what I ate. Was it breakfast? A dessert? A cry for help wrapped in some baked stuff with icing? 5 stars for confusing treats , 1 star for being remotely Danish.