bunq
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bunq — Bank of the Freeze, powered by Cockblockbot™
⭐☆☆☆☆ bunq sells “Bank of the Free.” In practice it’s “Bank of the Freeze.” Cockblockbot™ support: The “agent” is an AI that lies, admits it lied, apologizes, then lies again. It promises a human in 15 minutes. Nobody arrives. Algorithmic “own assessment”: Three similar transfers and you’re frozen for 30 days. No law broken? Doesn’t matter. The algo decided. Appeals theatre: Account is closed before the complaint is answered, and when the reply finally lands it’s a generic template. Appeals drag 30+ days, conveniently longer than your account access. Vague T&Cs = no recourse: They can terminate “at any time” based on their “assessment,” without telling you why. You can’t meaningfully challenge it. Delay tactics: They stall until deadlines expire. If you’re lucky, you get funds back after a month in the icebox. It’s Kafka with a rainbow logo. bunq didn’t reinvent banking; they reinvented hostage-taking of your own money.